


Operation: Emma is an Idiot

by Velace



Series: Random Moments [31]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 18:38:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6340768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velace/pseuds/Velace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiding her lust laden looks from the Sheriff was a full time job, and Regina had slipped a time or ten— often enough that Emma finally noticed, and grew concerned despite it being years since Regina was a threat to anyone, never mind a threat to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Operation: Emma is an Idiot

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Swan Queen. Five words; tree, fire, cold, spy and president.
> 
> Never had one of these prompts before. Gotta say, I kinda like it. Also, I couldn't think of a decent title but Henry does help in his own way and Emma IS an idiot so... meh.

Regina was up to something, Emma just knew it. She was acting weird, and not the _I'm stashing funds for a new house that is secretly a new playground_ weird but the _Emma Swan should be afraid of me_ weird, which she was— kind of.

Okay, not really. Regina was sort of a teddy bear who, on occasion, had something sharp in her fur that would stab you when you picked her up— like the time Emma saved her from the fire, and had her head bitten off in thanks —but other than that? Yeah. Regina was about as scary as Snow White, and _she_ was only scary when she first woke up in the mornings because that hair? The cute pixie cut took a lot more work than Emma ever would have thought possible.

Emma's hair was a rat's nest in the mornings, but Snow's— phew, only Regina was capable of creating such chaos. Regina, the not so scary other mother of her son, who was plotting something Emma had yet to figure out.

Not through lack of trying, mind. She was trying alright, hence why she was sat up in a tree on her day off with a pair of binoculars in hand. Regina was nice and warm inside her mansion, plotting as she sipped her tea, the picture perfect innocent enjoying her own day off while Emma was outside, teeth chattering loud enough to scare away the one bird she'd thought to keep her company.

It would take more than yet another abandoning her, and the threat of freezing to death to put this Sheriff off, however.

Emma jumped as her phone buzzed. Seeing the almost identical phone in Regina's hands, her eyes narrowed as she reached into her back pocket and unlocked the screen.

**You look cold, dear.** She gasped before her phone buzzed again. **Come inside.**

Her head snapped up and sure enough, Regina was staring back at her through the lens of the binoculars, a salacious smile on her face that promised...

Pain? Pleasure? Dismemberment? Who the hell knew? But it damn well promised _something_ and Emma scowled just as something wet splattered against her jacket. She looked down.

"Hey ma." Henry grinned up at her from the ground, a super soaker cradled in his arms. "Mom thought you might need some incentive."

Emma glared at him. "You're grounded," she said, binoculars thumping against her chest.

"Sorry." He shrugged, not sounding sorry at all. "She already promised immunity for any and all threats you throw at me. Come inside, ma."

She pouted. "I don't want to," and was hit with another stream of water. "Henry!"

"I've been ordered to drown you if you fail to comply," he stated, finger firmly on the trigger as she spluttered and threw up her hands to protect her face. "I'm feeling a little guilt here, ma."

Emma called bullshit. If anything, he sounded more amused by the second, and that just wouldn't do. Emma quickly lowered one hand and gripped the branch beneath her as she waved the other. Henry gaped up at her and then turned tail, too slow in his decision to flee as she opened fire on the back of his head, and savored the sound of his shriek as she dropped to the ground.

"Miss Swan!" Emma glanced to the porch where Regina stood with her hands on hips. She cocked an eyebrow. "You will cease this instant."

Emma shrugged. "Okay," she said and turned the toy on her as her eyes widened.

"Don't you—" Emma smiled innocently, and pulled the trigger.

Never in all their years knowing one another, did Emma think she should regret something more than that moment as that smile returned. Regina's eyes darkened and her nostrils flared as the water soaked into her dress, teeth bared in a way that sent Emma's heart racing more than it already was. She'd known the idea was a stupid one, but not to the point where she imagined it might send her into an immediate panic attack.

She froze, unable to tear her eyes from the growing expression, or her finger from the trigger as Regina stepped forward. She took to the stairs and Emma's eyes fell, acutely aware of where she'd soak next as Regina came closer to the ground. Her gaze locked on to cleavage and her breath hitched at the sight of those wet, olive toned mounds baring down on her.

"Emma." The sight combined with her name in that tone of voice pulled a whine from somewhere deep in her chest before a chuckle sounded, and her eyes snapped up.

As soon as their eyes met, Regina lifted her gaze and as Emma looked up to follow, she had just enough time to gasp before she was doused by the bucket of water hovering above her head. Henry's laughter filled the air as the super soaker fell from her hands and she expelled the water that had entered her nose and mouth, throat and nostrils burning in what she considered punishment for her idiocy.

Why she'd thought she could get away with it escaped her when she had years upon years built up of experiences in which Regina proved, time and time again, to always be at least three steps ahead of her.

"Ow," she whined, bending at the waist as Regina paused in front of her and patted her on the head.

An _affectionate_ pat, Emma noted belatedly.

"You play with fire, Miss Swan," she drawled, the _you get burned_ left unsaid.

"I think I'd have preferred the fire," Emma croaked and straightened, goose bumps breaking out over her arms as she began to shiver and wrapped them around her torso.

At least with fire, she'd be _warm_ … and screaming while dying, which sounded a bit less pleasant, but whatever.

"Before I commit to preventing you from dying of hypothermia, care to tell me what you were doing up my tree?" Regina held up a hand as she spoke and a huge, fluffy white towel appeared in her fist.

"No?" Emma made a grab for it and managed to nab half before Regina tightened her grip with a smirk. Regina was a lot stronger than Emma remembered, and she whined, "I'm going to freeze to death."

"Henry," Regina said as she turned towards him, ripping the towel from Emma's hand in the process and passing it to him. "Be a dear and put the kettle on while I assist your idiot mother."

He nodded and poked his tongue out at Emma as she scowled at him. She watched him run back into the house and had every intention of following as she ignored the eyes on her, a hand clamping down on her shoulder the instant she passed Regina by and pulling forth a sigh from her lips.

She should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

She _had_ known, in fact, but there was always that little flicker of hope that refused to die no matter how many times she was disappointed.

A cloud of purple enveloped her and when it cleared, she found herself facing a large, queen-sized bed. Her brows rose high on her forehead and she spun on her heel in time for Regina to emerge from her walk-in closet, arms filled with at least a week's worth of outfits Emma wouldn't be caught dead in given the choice.

She doubted Regina was about to give her that choice.

"Couldn't magic fix this?"

"If you've learned that particular spell, then by all means," Regina replied, dumping the clothes on her bed before she folded her arms and waited.

Emma hesitated, eyes darting around the room. She couldn't help herself. She'd never been on the second floor of the house, let alone inside Regina's bedroom before. She shook her head and sighed. "Can't you do it?"

"I could," Regina admitted, shoulders rising with a shrug as she added, "but then where would the fun be in that?"

Emma rolled her eyes, moving to the edge of the bed where she looked through the clothes and picked out the closest thing Regina had to what she _might_ wear— if she were attending a business meeting, or meeting the President.

Maroon blouse and black slacks in hand, she looked up and realized Regina was still standing there. "Can I get some privacy?"

A brow rose. "It's nothing I haven't seen before."

Emma stared, processing the words before she gasped, "When?!"  She tried to remember a time that she'd dressed in front of Regina, and came up blank, but then a thought hit her. "Have you been spying on me?"

Regina tilted her head and asked, "Would that be bad?"

"Yes!" she snapped, throwing up her hands in exasperation.

"Then of course not," Regina drawled with an innocent smile.

"Regina," she whined, stamping her foot.

The smile widened, the teasing flicker of a tongue wetting dark lips before Regina rasped, "Emma."

Arousal, sharp and hot sent a flush to Emma's cheeks. "Is…" She paused, surprised she was even considering the question. She took a breath and tried to ignore the flutter in her stomach as she asked, "Is this what you were plotting?"

"Plotting?"

"With all those…" Emma floundered, wracking her brain for the right words before she gave up and lamely finished, "Looks."

"Looks?" Regina echoed her once more and Emma snapped.

"Yes, looks!" She huffed before she noticed the dark eyes pinned to her chest and pointed as she exclaimed, "You're doing one right now!"

"Well you can hardly blame me," Regina argued and gestured to her wet shirt. "You're soaked through and I can see that delightful red bra you're wearing."

Emma gasped and turned around. Regina chuckled and said, "Now all I want to do is run my tongue along your spine."

"Regina!" Another deep, full throated chuckle rang in her ears and she swallowed. "Are you… messing with me?"

"If you're asking if I am enjoying your reaction, then yes." Emma's shoulders slumped before Regina added, "If you're asking because you think I'm trying to trick you, then no; I am not messing with you, _Em-ma_."

Emma sucked in her lower lip and turned back to face her. "Have you really been spying on me?"

Regina shrugged and sat down on the bed, now the one with her back turned. "The first time was an accident," she said. "You were late to a meeting and I wondered where you were, low and behold, you'd spilled something on your shirt at lunch and were in the midst of changing."

Emma nodded, more to herself since Regina couldn't see it anyway. It wasn't anything farfetched given how often she subconsciously tried to feed her clothes. "But you've done it more than once?"

"I was…" Regina sighed. "… curious."

Feeling her cheeks flush, Emma glanced down at the floor, torn between mild outrage and her own curiosity. If she knew the spell to spy on people from afar, she doubted she'd be able to resist either, especially when it came to Regina. "You know that's illegal, right?"

Regina looked over her shoulder with a grin and purred, "Are you going to arrest me, Sheriff?"

"Depends," Emma replied and bit the inside of her cheek at the flash of challenge in those eyes.

The grin remained as an eyebrow rose and Regina questioned, "On?"

Tossing the clothes she'd chosen back on the bed, Emma adopted her previous stance and folded her arms, head tilted as if in thought. "What it is you want from me," she answered after letting the silence stretch a bit.

With a nod as though she'd expected the response, Regina stood. She rounded the bed and Emma tracked her every step, heart thumping against her chest more rapidly the closer she came. "I was thinking we might start with everything and then see how it goes."

Emma smirked, relief flooding her veins. "All or nothing, huh?"

Stood before her, Regina returned her smirk and replied, "I'll gladly take just your body, but I'm certainly open to more."


End file.
